Lurker Extraordinaire

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superopinionated:

flacamaritza:

me anytime someone other than the pizza guy knocks on my front door

#also whenever anyone CALLS INSTEAD OF TEXTING

YES THIS AS WELL. My voicemail message actually says “if it’s important, text or email me instead”. The only people who actually listen to this are the nice folks at my cat’s veterinary clinic. A++ Cambridge Veterinary Care.

This definitely defines both me and my spouse.

(Source: assguards)

u take a lot of selfies. do u think ur pretty or smoething? ur not

Anonymous

ashleymichaele:

janiesleepswithsirens:

fluffy-moose:

sarahisnotonice:

7mins-in-heaven-w-dean:

hi there, anon. i didn’t realize i took a lot of selfies. thanks for the info. so, your question was whether i think i’m pretty. you already answered that no, i am not. 

and i have to agree, anon. i don’t think i’m pretty bc i’m not.

i’m fat.

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i always have a double chin.

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i constantly look like i haven’t slept in a week bc of my dark circles

and, i always look sunburnt. idfk why

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i have this white line across my nose that makeup can’t cover up 

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i have tons of wrinkles on my forehead. like what the hell? i’m 25

also, it’s the size of fucking texas

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i still don’t know how to smile in pictures bc i hate my fucking teeth

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my feet are flat. my hips are huge. my boobs are weird. i am covered in stretch marks. my voice is grating. my ears stick out two miles from my head. i am always fucking sweating and i’ve been asked if i was pregnant more times than i can count. 

so, you’re right. i’m not pretty. i can’t stand the way i look.

which is why it’s so fucking important that i post “a lot” of selfies. bc, anon, you’d better fucking believe that if i look in the mirror that day and don’t cringe, i’m gonna take a fucking picture to save that tiny little second. and GOD FORBID i show the world that i posses a little self love every once in a fucking while. 

TO ANYONE READING THIS: DON’T EVER LET SOMEONE MAKE YOU FEEL ASHAMED FOR LIKING THE WAY YOU LOOK—EVEN IF IT’S JUST FOR A SECOND. IF YOU LOOK NICE, YOU TAKE THAT FUCKING SELFIE AND YOU SHOW IT TO THE GOD DAMN WORLD BC THEY DESERVE TO SEE THE GOD/GODDESS YOU ARE!

that beard finally coming in? go ahead, bro. take a selfie.

you finally got that piercing you’ve been wanting? not really my style, but you’re fucking rocking it. take a selfie.

your boobs look awesome in that shirt? take a selfie.

you finally lose or gain that weight you’ve been working on? take a selfie.

your eyeliner look awesome? your new sunglasses make you look like  a celebrity avoiding the paparazzi? you killing that tux? you feel a tiny, rare level of self love? you always on a high level of self love? you just like your face? 

TAKE A MOTHAFUCKING SELFIE!

thanks for the question, anon. this one’s for you.

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i thinks shes beautiful in my opinion 

This girl is my hero.

Fuck yes

Can someone locate this girl and find out what mascara she uses? Because it is stellar. 

flutiebear:

By the way, if you love Enslaved, you need to read these post-game fics:

In fact, two of my favorite fics I’ve ever read. The writing is utterly breathtaking, and just, wow. It’s my everything.

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"Jolene," Revised

What If We Admitted to Children That Sex Is About Pleasure?

May 9

yourmotherseyes:

The Vagenda Magazine asked their Twitter followers to tweet them edited headlines

This is my favourite thing at the moment

May 7

On Daft Punk, 2001 Dance Pop And Timelessness

kierongillen:

In the aftermath of the Dazzler synopsis, I was talking on twitter about retro-pop dance stuff, specifically the 2001-or-so vintage. 

Not that it started in 2001, but the time and the place. I take it all from around here, with the flicker of Daft Punk’s future after their Homework here…

I fucking adore this. I’m what Tom Ewing describes as an indie dancer - I’m someone who prefers dance to songs rather than the endless groove of someone who truly loves dance music rather than a pop-leaning dilettante.  

I suspect that one thing I like most about all the stuff I’m talking about here is that - with a few exceptions - it takes me the closest to not being the person I tend to be. I’d dance to Music Sounds Better for hours if I had to with nothing in my head but the moment-to-moment interaction with it.

By 2001, it’s taken over the pop-dance mainstream.

If I had to talk about my favourite albums of 2001, I’d have to admit that NOW DANCE 2001 was on there. I was working on a magazine at the time - PC Gamer, based in Bath. Headphones or not, there was a lot of music in the office. The mash-ups of the period, Atari Teenage Riot and Scott Walker and the rest went on under the headphones. Belle and Sebastian was played in public, as we all got very sad over the fate of a fox in the snow with nowhere to go.

I mainly played the pop-dance stuff on the headphones, not because of shame - Will Smith’s album got played a LOT - but because it was a personal intimate thing, about a bad on-off on-off on-off on-off on-off on-off  relationship. This was about her, as much as the Angelica mini-EP.

My favourite thing about If This Aint Love - bar the basic intimate hips-touching and eyes-too groove of it - is something I’m sure must be wrong, but I can’t help but hear it. It’s certainly not in any of the lyrics. In the chorus, it’s listed as… 

If this ain’t love - why does it feel so good?

But on the record, I can’t help but hear the backing vocals as just as important of it…

If this ain’t love…
Why does it feel b-
Why does it feel b-
Why does it feel b-
…Why does it feel so good?

The backing vocals, that subconscious whisper to it, just sounds like “Why does it feel bad?” The moral and emotional ambivalence of the record, of being suspended between the two things. This is not a record that’s surrendered to its feelings.

Anyway - loved this stuff. Don’t get me started on Maddison Avenue’s Don’t Call Me Baby’s back and forth, push and pull. It was a year of unresolved emotions and I fell for unresolved records.

(If you want an inappropriate record I did play over the speakers in the office, far too often for comfort, it’d be Shellac’s PRAYER TO GOD.)

Anyway, in the middle of this, DAFT PUNK released their DISCOVERY.

We all loved Daft Punk, from the first moment. I was perhaps a little cooler than most, but even I adored their best material and will forever connect AROUND THE WORLD with dancing, close to alone, in some converted warehouse place in Denver in 1997 at 4am. 

The sheer triumphalism and bonhomie of ONE MORE TIME is something I’ve tried to evoke a few times in comics. I’ll never pull it off, but you have to try. It’s the sound of someone deciding to take over the world and inviting everyone along with them.

We grabbed the CD on the way to work, and played it loud. I believe only Matt Pierce - the main editor - and myself were in. The first four songs are simply an audacious flow of ideas and sheer flow. It’s not that we sat there staring at the speakers, but we were aware this was a big one. Whatever 2001 was, this would be. 

We got to Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.

Pierce tilts his head and laughing at how ludicrously audacious the middle break down is says something I’ll always remember, and ended up being incredibly influential on my own aesthetic as a creator.

"This is so perfectly of this moment it’ll be entirely unlistenable by the end of the week."

I nod and agree. He’s right. He has to be right. This is the sort of idea dense virtuosity that gets filed as gimmickry. This is the moment, and can’t possibly be any more.

And then the years go by, and I eventually realise that we couldn’t have been more wrong. This wasn’t just the sound of March 2001. They’d only gone and invented the pop sound of the next decade. We’re still audibly listening to Discovery’s children today

Which made me realise that you really never fucking know what’s going to date and what doesn’t. Guessing posterity is a fool’s game.

More so - the number of bands I’ve seen reach for some form of timelessness never fail to sound more of their moment. The bands ripping off Gang Of Four who filled the club night SO IF YOU’RE LONELY’s mid-00s melange were entirely mid-00s, to a hilarious degree. At the time, I found myself thinking all those Britpop No-hopers hiring My Life Story’s string section to try and add an element of the eternal classic to their numbers, and now, due to sonic properties, lyrical concerns, formats and so on are entirely redolent of the hacking cough end Days of Britpop.

It’s something 

Team Phonogram do get more than our fair share of comments along the line of “That’s going to look terrible in five years time.” There’s two responses I always think - firstly, what do you care about the you of five years time may think? How do you feel now? Secondly, the entire of pop history is against you. You really can’t tell.

You don’t know. No-one knows.

Comics by creators who I know try extremely hard to avoid dating their material speak of their germination just as strongly. If you don’t make your work primarily of its time, there is no chance it will be anything else. All great work is born of the concerns and obsessions of the people who make it and the world they find themselves in. This is the same across all mediums.

Maybe it’ll date terribly, but that’s beyond your control.

My advice?

Let go.

Groove Is In The Heart became timeless in a way that a million indie non-hopers doing their best Birds impressions could never dream of.

Don’t play for posterity. Don’t think of Legacy.

The time is now.

May 1

Problems with Names

Other storylines I'd like to never see again

lb-lee:

  • A girl who believes she is ugly discovers she was Beautiful All Along (and in fact, is quite normatively pretty, because a heroine with wonky teeth and a double chin and flaming stretch marks is not allowed). May or may not involve a life-changing makeover.
  • A rebellious princess…

George Clooney Gets Engaged

Femslash Friday: Lara Croft

comedycentral:

Everyone’s going to be walking and talking about this Aaron Sorkin parody from tonight’s new Inside Amy Schumer.

This is just so damn perfect.

comedycentral:

Everyone’s going to be walking and talking about this Aaron Sorkin parody from tonight’s new Inside Amy Schumer.

This is just so damn perfect.

How John Green Became Involved In Lower League English Football

On Poverty

paullicino:

Disclaimer: I have been trying to write this for almost a year and I’m tremendously dissatisfied with the result. It is three and a half thousand words long and has been drafted and revised so many times that I give up and release it from this endless, painful gestation.

I have never owned a table.

Sure, the place I live in has a table. It’s a glass table and it’s considerably better than the slightly wobbly wooden table in the previous place I lived in but, being glass, I’m perpetually terrified it will break and then I’ll have to pay for it. Then I’ll have paid for a table and still never have actually owned one.

I couldn’t tell you how much a table costs, but I did buy the cheapest and most basic desk for £50 once. I have a feeling I’d be charged a lot more than that if this table broke.

That philosophy extends to everything around me where I live, where I have lived: I don’t own it, but I will be paying for it if something goes wrong. There is a special sort of added excitement to this, since most of the places I’ve lived in have had all sorts of things wrong with them already, things from faulty electrics to ill-fitting windows to no doors that will close properly anywhere, that are never addressed. I’ve feared these things as well because I’ve wondered if I’m going to be the tenant who is deemed to be responsible for them, particularly because landladies and landlords seem to be curiously divorced from the properties they own. They always live far away, or they’re out of town or they’re overseas again. One landlady looked around a flat I was renting from her with surprise and awe and bafflement, failing to recognise many of its features.

Read More

Apr 9

Anywhere in the universe. You pick the planet.

(Source: indigoisbetter)